Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
