...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
