physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
