No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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