I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
