you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
