You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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