I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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