She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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