So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
