i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
