I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
