just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
