what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
