so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
