You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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