Screwed.edu
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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