Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
