yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
