Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm like, not good at living.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
