My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
