I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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