I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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