peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
