I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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