So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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