Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i've created a new STD.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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