fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
