We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
