I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
