I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
