I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
nutella sex= disaster
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
