ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Still dying that you shit outside
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
