sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Couch. On fire.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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