The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
