so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
