Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
