I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
