Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
