I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
