SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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