If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
