You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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