you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
