Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
