What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
