I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
