Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
