is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
