at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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