he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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