if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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