Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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