just tell him i said nine months
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
