you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
