I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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